Yesterday, my youngest son wanted to go out for lunch after preschool. After some debate, it was decided that we would go to Wendy's. As we headed in at the door, my son was excited to see the toy that came with the kid's meal: a small toy ET. Being a perpetual pain-in-the-ass, I asked him at the table if he was happy with his new Barbie.
"That's not Barbie," he said.
"Sure it is," I said. "That's Skin Disease Barbie or Afflicted Barbie -- that's why her skin is all brown and wrinkly like that."
"It's not Barbie," he said. "It's ET. Barbie has long hair."
"All her hair fell out because she has a skin disease," I said. "And look what wearing those high-heeled shoes has done to her feet!"
"This is ET and he's squirting stuff out of his mouth on you," he said. "He's squirting...What do you hate the most?"
"Pony blood," I said, after a moment's consideration.
"He's squirting pony blood on you."
At this point my wife, having joined us at the table, said, "Stop, stop! What's wrong with you! Do you want to get us thrown out of the restaurant!"
My children used to ask "will you never learn?" Now they simply state "you will never learn." I just can't help it, I guess.