I wasn't able to post much over the weekend because my hosting provider's mysql server was on the fritz. I eventually sent them some email about it and they responded saying
Your db [...] has bug on mysql connection, we doubt you didn't close mysql connection which crashing mysql server.
We enabled your db, please debug your code yourself, if it still crashing our server, we have to disable it again.
The server thinks it's located in the Pacific time zone, but I think the support staff believe they're located farther east.