Comcast thrashed the network this morning. Our address used to be in 24.x.x.x and now is in 66.x.x.x. I updated my entry at 
DynDNS so that I'll be able to ssh in to check email, etc. I wouldn't mind except that whenever they do that, it usually involves a 6-8 hour network outage. It happened several times when we first got the cable modem and then didn't happen again for a long, long time. When I installed the new router, we got a new address, but it was in the same range as the previous one. It's inconvenient when the network isn't reliable.
Class last night was hard. Again. Sigh... I sense there is still a high level of discomfort with working in such an open-ended environment. As I spoke to one student who was struggling last night, I said, "But Life is open-ended. You can't wait around for someone else to tell you what to do -- you have to decide for yourself. You need to decide what you think is worth doing. If you can convince yourself it's worth doing, you'll probably convince me too." When I first graduated from college, I seemed to be unemployable -- at least in Biology. I found small things -- interesting things -- to do, but couldn't find a job. It was painful. It was clear to me that I could do the jobs I was applying for. I knew there might be a steep learning curve, but I knew that once they told me what they wanted, I could do it. It was a harsh shock for me when I discovered that no-one was going to do that: I had to decide for myself what I wanted to do, find some way to start doing it, and teach myself what I was going to need to know in order to find any job -- let alone a job I wanted. I had to invest in myself before I could convince other people to invest in me. I remember feeling that this was incredibly unfair, somehow. Unfair or not, it's something that students don't get much practice with until it's too late.
The irony, of course, is that the class has not actually been that open-ended as yet -- But the more I try to let go, the more they seem to freeze and cling. I did get some great questions regarding topics that students would like more support with, so I'm encouraged that next week we can begin working in a less structured fashion and not have the entire enterprise collapse.
Still, last night left me feeling depressed. I came home, had a drink, and watched TV. I was still feeling depressed this morning, so I talked to Randy for a long time. That was encouraging. He wondered if I could be more clear regarding the expectations. I don't know how to be more clear without imposing additional structure on the assignments. The things is, I can tell that the students hear the words and I know they can say the words, but when it comes to changing what they do, it's harder. Randy suggested it was like the difference between knowing the risks and being able to quit smoking -- or understanding that the goal was to quit smoking. "What? The goal is to quit smoking? OK. I quit. What? You mean, like, really quit?"